I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize