youre lurking in front of me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
