He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
