he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
