Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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