I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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