Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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