shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
