it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
