I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
