she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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