call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's great music for shaving your balls
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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