I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
