College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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