Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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