Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
