These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
