Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
