I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
