apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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