oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
