I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me