guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?