apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
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you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.