We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch