I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.