I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
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You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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