her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
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The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP