I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
