so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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