Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
