I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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