I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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