I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
