haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
