made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So much Jack, so little girl.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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