Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
