I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
