Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
