YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
