It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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