If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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