i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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