I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
