I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
