i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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