Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
