I have demons in me.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
