I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
