i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
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Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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