Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
