paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
