Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
