They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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