His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
