i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
