I must be too annoying 4 u.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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