Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.