fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.