I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."