he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How naked do you want me to be?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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