Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We have started to decorate penises.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
