I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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