It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
