just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
