Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
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We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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